As 2014 comes to a close, I am full of love and gratitude in more ways than I can put into words. It’s not a list inside my head or written down on paper anywhere, but rather a feeling I have been carrying within me throughout the course of the past few weeks. It’s probably also why I have been quiet on here.
I apologize sincerely for my absence, but there’s been a lot of necessary soul-searching to be done and decisions to be made if I hope to live out the dreams I have always had. It’s been a positive few weeks to say the least, and I very much like the place I am at.
Just yesterday, I was saying to my mom that I feel as if I have grown so much in the course of a year. So much so, that I can barely recognize the person I was just twelve months ago. But, it has been such a slow, gradual change that I barely noticed it until a few days ago when I began looking back. It’s a good change, one that I can say I am proud of.
2014 was a strange year for me. It started out with much hope and expectation, but there were a lot of open wounds that needed to be healed before that could happen; even if I didn’t realize it at the time. Still, I was in a good place from the beginning and growth was inevitable as I held an open-mind and a willingness to change.
It started out alone in my GoWithOh apartment in Barcelona listening to the sounds of fireworks outside while eating grapes and drinking cava. Then I spent the first day of the year drinking tea with one of my best friends in London as the rain poured down outside.
From there, the year was a series of ups and downs, as all years seem to be. There were trips to new places, but also back to old favorites. There was the big trip that never happened, the one I had been dreaming about for months that just wasn’t meant to be. There were mountains climbed and limitations met. There were friendships that ended, but many more new ones that were made and old ones that reconnected. There were tears, but there was a lot more laughter.
It was also a year of extreme growth and personal development. I learned to forgive others, as well as myself, and realized that it’s often my own expectations that lead to disappointment. In the past few months I have been working on eliminating expectation from my life and trying to go with the flow in all that I can. Though, I’ll admit, it isn’t always easy. I often repeat the following mantra to myself: what’s meant to be will be. I also spend a lot of time trying to convince myself the truth within those words.
Still, I can say in confidence that I am ending 2014 full of love and gratitude for all that I have in my life. From the people in it to the experiences I have had, I am beyond lucky for all that is around me. Which is probably why I have barely done any writing.
Writing has always been my place of freedom and stress removal, but lately my life has been so hectic and full of love and life, I have had barely any time for it. At first, I began to stress over the fact that I haven’t written anything, but as I look over the past few weeks, I’m overcome with joy.
There have been babies and engagements and birthdays, and so very much to be excited about. How could I spend all of my time writing, when so much has been happening in my life, and not just to me, but to the people I love the most? The answer was simply that I couldn’t.
Not traveling this summer taught me the importance of the people who are my home. For me, it’s not a physical space, as I tend to live a very nomadic life even when I am not traveling. Instead, it’s about love and a sense of belonging, and I have so many wonderful people that give me that. This is one of the biggest lessons I have learned throughout the year.
Another lesson was the importance of taking care of myself. That lead me to try new activities such as rock climbing and aerial yoga, but to also train myself to enjoy running and forcing myself to spend more time in nature. I also climbed many mountains and deepened my yoga practice. Beyond fitness, I have started to pay close attention to what goes inside my body, as well as making sure the products I put on my body are natural ones. From deodorant and toothpaste to shampoo and conditioner, I’m working on leading a life that’s not only best for my health, but also for the environment.
The progress and growth I have made in 2014 is just the beginning of the life I plan on leading in 2015 and beyond. I spent so much time on myself, more than I have in years, and I feel that it’s paid off in so many ways. I’m finally at a place where I am excited to live life each day, and I’ve come to realize that even if I’m not entirely living the life of my dreams at the moment, I am working hard each day at making that life a reality.
I hope each of you have realized true growth in yourself throughout the year, and I wish you all the best in 2015 and for all the years to come. Thank you, as always, for coming on this journey with me, it means more than you may ever know.