If you’ve been following me on Twitter for the last few weeks, you’ll have noticed that along with my usual tweets about travel, there have also been a mixture of quotes about facing fears and changes in life. That’s because, as of late, that’s exactly where my head has been.
I’d prefer not to delve into the details of what’s been bringing me down, but I seem to be at a bit of a crossroads in my life, and I’m not exactly sure which way to go. This isn’t new for me, as I am always one to grow and evolve, but this time it seems to be a bit more difficult.
This time, I’m being pulled in two completely different directions, and my heart seems to be caught right in the middle. Both roads will bring me challenges and hardships, but both will also bring rewards; the problem here is that I’m not entirely sure which direction is best for me. In some ways, I have already made choice, I’m just not sure it was the right one.
A few years ago, I went through a similar situation, though the choice was not as difficult to make. Since then, I’ve realized that happiness is not a destination, but instead a journey, one that we have to keep on top of. It’s a bit exhausting, but it’s a journey I’m willing to take.
Lately though, I feel like I’m in this hole. This deep dark pit, that if I let it, would swallow me whole. This pit, has a lot to do with what I’m going through at the moment, but it’s also the fact that I have this huge fear of mediocrity.
Society, as a whole, pushes people into thinking that they have to live life a certain way, and that is the way most people choose, because it’s safe, and what people think they want. I do think it could be what a lot of people want, but not me. No, I want something more.
My dreams for my life are a lot different than most of the people I know, but I don’t think that makes them wrong. Life is for living, and I don’t think that’s what most of us do. We wake up and go through the motions of life, but that is it. It’s as William Ross Wallace once said, “Every man dies. Not every man really lives.”
I imagine my life to be one of immense freedom. One where I can be free and spend time traveling the world as often as possible, soaking up as much of it as I can.
I want to learn from the people I meet and cultures I encounter.
I want my days to be full of the activities I love most.
I want to read and write.
I want to soak up the sun.
I want to hike and bike.
I want to sing and dance and listen to music.
I want to learn something new.
I want to draw and paint.
I want to have long conversations with the people I love most.
I want to take photographs and make memories.
I want my days to be filled with laughter and love.
I want to get out of my comfort zone and face my fears.
I want to cook exotic meals and learn about different cultures through their food.
I want to experience as much of life as I can, each and everyday, and take nothing for granted, ever.
What I’ve learned from traveling it that life is special. The world out there is an incredible place filled with fascinating people who have stories that are meaningful and real.
I know that the life I am currently living is on the road to what I want it to be, and a lot better than what else is out there, but it isn’t one hundred percent what I dream it should be. Not yet anyway. I guess what I’m trying to say, is again, I long for a life that is far from ordinary. I don’t want to be old and grey and regret not doing everything I wanted in my lifetime. Which is why I see no better time than now to make my dreams my realities. Still, with two ways to go, both leading to two realities that would satisfy my needs and desires, I am very unclear of which way to head.
While I figure the direction I’m supposed to go, I’ll leave you with a quote, from Into the Wild by Jon Krakauer, that has really resonated with me lately. After you read it, you’ll understand why.
“Make a radical change in your lifestyle and begin to boldly do things which you may previously never have thought of doing, or been too hesitant to attempt. So many people live within unhappy circumstances and yet will not take the initiative to change their situation because they are conditioned to a life of security, conformity, and conservation, all of which may appear to give one peace of mind, but in reality nothing is more damaging to the adventurous spirit within a man than a secure future. The very basic core of a man’s living spirit is his passion for adventure. The joy of life comes from our encounters with new experiences, and hence there is no greater joy than to have an endlessly changing horizon, for each day to have a new and different sun. If you want to get more out of life, you must lose your inclination for monotonous security and adopt a helter-skelter style of life that will at first appear to you to be crazy. But once you become accustomed to such a life you will see its full meaning and its incredible beauty.” Jon Krakauer, Into the Wild